At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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