no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
