Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
