the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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