I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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