Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
