I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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