I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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