Church boner. Awkwardddd
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
