Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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