haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
