**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
