did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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