you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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