sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
