those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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