i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
