the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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