So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
