I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
