Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
wrigley field is MILF paradise
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
