you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
