My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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