Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Randomize
