I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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