You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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