I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
