I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
This girl is more easily done than said...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
