well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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