It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Barsexuality is the new black.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
