I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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