my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
