see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
