does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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