I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
