We won't sleep together?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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