ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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