Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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