If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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