I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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