mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
