I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
