he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Did I show you my penis last night?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
