Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
