So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
