he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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