How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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