You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You were trust falling into bushes
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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