I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
