I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
