I just cut my nipple shaving
I think I won the penis lottery.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
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Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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