I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
is wine microwaveable?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
