I'm really into asian looking animals
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
