Please, let me fuck your mom
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
