never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
