Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
