So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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