I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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