Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
