please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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