Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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