you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
