I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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