And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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