I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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