I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
