Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I need moral support for this bender
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
