none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
