you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
