Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
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We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
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I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
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