My underwear smells like fireworks.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
