Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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