mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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