My first STD was from a foam party
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
