So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
