There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
