a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
