So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
sarcasm needs its own font
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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