you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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