You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
