Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
