Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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