All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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